ATTENTION V DRUGS
Louis Theroux recently visited a number of families in the US in order to investigate reports that some parents were giving their children anti-depressants to curb unruly behaviour.
Then we have the BBC talking about giving ADHD children rewards instead of drugs whatever is going on when parents need to give their children drugs or rewards for being normal.
I would not for one moment suggest that all children diagnosed with ADHD are not suffering from a mental disorder, but I do think that a number of them are ignored and ill disciplined, and I would contend that a number of them would benefit from the little word “no” together with “no means no”.
Children need discipline and love in equal measure, one without the other makes for very unhappy children. Why is it that parents seem unable or unwilling to say no to their children? Is it laziness? Fear that their children will not love them any more? If it were possible to answer this question we might actually be getting somewhere. At the same time they want their parents’ attention, they want to be listened to and spoken to.
Alongside my Psychotherapy Practice, until recently, I undertook publicly funded mediations and was dismayed at the number of parents who tried to buy the love of their children by indulging their every whim and then trying to outdo each other so that their offspring would want to be with them rather than the other parent. However, the children quickly learnt the trick and began to play one off against the other becoming more and more badly behaved in the process. They couldn’t possibly say “no” for fear of being accused of not wanting them.
I think it is criminal giving children drugs when they can be avoided. We have enough of a problem in this country, and in the US, with teenagers getting involved with drugs. Parents throwing their hands up and shouting for the authorities to do more to prevent children getting hold of drugs and then these same parents supply drugs in order to suppress, what is often, normal behaviour.
“normal behaviour?” yes I do mean normal behaviour all children are mischievous and test the boundaries. They are testing the world and their place in it and they need us, so called, adults to teach them about right and wrong and where the boundaries are.

Has the world gone crazy – whatever happened to innocent childhood?

I recently read an article stating that a leading name in High Street stores had been stocking padded bikinis for pre-pubescent girls. Children have such a short time to be children that anything that shortens that even further has to be wrong in my opinion.

Sexualizing these little girls lays them open not only to the stalking paedophile, but plants the idea that they should be adult as soon as possible and look as much like “Mummy” as they can. If they have to succumb to the pressure of looking sexual at the age of 6, 7 or 8 what are they going to enjoy and discover at 18,19 or 20.

Already young teenagers are having to conform to their peers and rid themselves of their virginity as soon as possible. It is no longer something special to be experienced during “first love” a gift shared and remembered in the years to come.

I am not foolish enough to believe that every first sexual experience is enjoyable. However, I do think that there is a message that parents can convey that sex is something to be enjoyed with someone they care about.

I see many women, in their late 20s and early 30s, in my Practice who are suffering from a loss of libido and when I talk to them about their early sexual experiences they say things like “I can’t remember the first time, I don’t think I ever saw the boy again, virginity was just something to get rid of”. Sex has never been special for them, some have never had an orgasm, they see doing “it” as a chore and they would rather read a book or go for a walk.

Its time that parents realized that having a child is a privilege which gives them the opportunity to have a blank page to write on and they should write with a very light and carefully considered hand because their words and actions may shape the beliefs of their daughter or son for the rest of their lives.

“Confidentiality” how important is it and when should it be broken?
Unlike Priests the maintaining of confidentiality is not absolute for counsellors and therapists. However, it is an element of our work that is crucial if our clients are going to feel comfortable talking to us about things that they have never spoken about before and which they would not like anyone else to know.
Therapists frequently face ethical dilemmas in their work and they have to weigh disclosure against the trusting relationship they have with their client. This dilemma is even more frequently apparent when working with couples.
If one partner discloses that they are having an affair and that they do not want their partner to know. How is it possible not to bring this to the session with the other partner and not mention it when it is absolutely essential to be even handed?
Even more difficult would be when one partner discloses that they have had an HIV test and it has proved positive but they have no intention of telling their partner.
When I begin my work with a new client or a couple I always tell them that our work is confidential with the proviso that if I believed that someone was going to be physically hurt, either themselves or someone else I may need to talk to someone.
This statement may seem a little vague, but I believe that it has to be so, because it would be impossible to list every occasion which would require me to break their confidence. So “may” allows me to consult my Supervisor and consider whether it is necessary to talk to “someone”. That “someone” would vary according to the circumstances, it might be a partner, GP, Social Worker or the Police according to the nature of the harm.
At the end of the day it comes down to the judgement of the person holding the confidence and that judgement is very subjective and depends on the beliefs and life experiences of the therapist.
For some people this may seem very unsatisfactory, but I would maintain that most clients have a good instinct about who to trust and the system does seem to work pretty well, considering I have been a therapist for 30 years and have only had to break a confidence on one occasion without the client’s permission.